My life: A Constant Annoyance
Prologue:
Life is hard, isn't it? Every day we have to wake up and do a bunch of things that we really don't want to do. Hell, I bet you're in your head thinking, "why do I even have to read this narrative?" If you are, you're not alone and I most likely already agree with you, a hundred percent. If you don’t agree than you’re probably a better person than
myself. I can’t go through one day without finding something that truly bothers
me. To put it bluntly, I’m a constant complainer. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t
just go on whining about any old thing. No, it takes a special kind of
situation or person to really get me going. I even surround myself with constant complainers with stories of their own. Which is precisely why I’ve decided
to have my twitterive revolve around my first hand experiences with my most entertaining rants from both myself and friends. Each day I find myself in situations where I catch myself complaining. As the days go by I'm finding that there are certain "causes" that trigger my complaints in different ways each day. Which makes the repetend I'm going to follow; complaints and how they appear in my life. I'm going to follow my complaints by showing you how and what causes me to complain on a daily basis throughout the week.
Tweets:
My day is only half over, please kill me now. #twitterive #life
Don't complain if you find yourself single on valentines day, it's not the end of the world. That's still 10 months away.
Another 8 hour work day followed by class. Only 10 more hours until I can relax.....hooray.... #twitterive
Dear Rowan, get some bigger parking lots. Thanks. #twitterive #late
Way too early to be leaving the confides of my bed. #twitterive #sosleepy
Another week riddled with school and work. Not looking forward to it to say the least. #twitterive #life #tired
In life you have to do a lot of things you don't want to do. Many times, that's what the hell life is; one vile task after another. #WRT3
If you do things right, people wont notice you've done anything at all. #twitterive
Tired of cold, where's the warmth? #WRT3 #6wordstory
Tweets:
My day is only half over, please kill me now. #twitterive #life
Don't complain if you find yourself single on valentines day, it's not the end of the world. That's still 10 months away.
Another 8 hour work day followed by class. Only 10 more hours until I can relax.....hooray.... #twitterive
Dear Rowan, get some bigger parking lots. Thanks. #twitterive #late
Way too early to be leaving the confides of my bed. #twitterive #sosleepy
Another week riddled with school and work. Not looking forward to it to say the least. #twitterive #life #tired
In life you have to do a lot of things you don't want to do. Many times, that's what the hell life is; one vile task after another. #WRT3
If you do things right, people wont notice you've done anything at all. #twitterive
Tired of cold, where's the warmth? #WRT3 #6wordstory
Weekly First World Problems:
The people who fuel my whines on a weekly basis
Brother - Denny is probably the one person
who actually likes to complain. So you
could probably understand how some may have rubbed off onto myself. The biggest
complaint I have with my brother is that two years ago he landed a job making
great money merchandising liquor stores. Now, any normal person would be ecstatic over the fact that they
just landed a great job like that, but not Denny. Instead he constantly
complains about having to merchandise his area in middle jersey, even though
they pay for his gas. Every night this past year it’s been a new chapter in the
novel of “How Denny had to drive all over New Jersey yet again”. One of my biggest complaints with my brother is that he complains. Which is kind of weird, to complain about someone that complains too much; talk about pot calling the kettle black. But in any case, I still find my
brother constantly nagging me about something everyday, whether it is about his
job or me personally. It becomes much more maddening when Denny complains about the same EXACT thing for days on end. I look forward to the day he moves out, I bet we’d become
friends if I didn’t have to see him every day.
Dan - Dan is a really good friend that I’ve known almost all my life, because of this I know it’s okay if I make fun of him. Before I even started writing this I asked Dan if it would be okay if I wrote about a specific instance of him giving me reason to complain. He said it was okay if I wrote about him but he did not want me putting his picture up. I did it anyway because I think I’m owed it, as you’ll soon find out for yourself if you keep reading. So, I bet you’re asking yourself, “What possible reason could he have to complain about a close friend?” Well I’ll tell you what my biggest complaint with Dan is. It’s a simple thing to fix; but he just won’t be bothered to do so because he’s too lazy. It’s punctuality; it may be an odd thing to care about but unfortunately I do. Whenever Dan has to be somewhere at designated time he’s always late. It’s almost like the sheer fact that he’s being forced to go somewhere at another persons convenience instead of his own bothers him. I really wouldn’t care about Dan’s promptness if I didn’t tell my boss to hire him. Dan needed a second job to pay the bills so I asked my boss if he could hire my friend. I of course stretched the truth and said Dan had experience and was a dependable person that my boss could count on. Vouching for Dan was probably where I went wrong. Now, it’s only the second week of Dan working with me I’m already getting yelled at by my boss.
This week it was, “John, have you talked to Dan?”
“Dan was supposed to be here an hour ago”
“Dan’s been late the last three times he was scheduled, what’s up with your friend?”
Every day he works is another day that he’s late, I don’t know how he got anywhere in life if he can’t show up on time to live it.
This week it was, “John, have you talked to Dan?”
“Dan was supposed to be here an hour ago”
“Dan’s been late the last three times he was scheduled, what’s up with your friend?”
Every day he works is another day that he’s late, I don’t know how he got anywhere in life if he can’t show up on time to live it.
I thought I using "Captain Hindsight" would be a good way to show what you could be complaining about right now. I find myself complaining about things way after the fact myself, having hindsight is a big part of being a complainer.
Lyrics
Beck - No Complaints
We are aimless
And the target is an empty wall
We're out of patience
With smiles that cut across her face
No complaints
But I wish I had more time for my brain
I'd like to walk
When the sun doesn't know we're awake
We're in spaceships
Take a visit to the Pyranees
Paid vacations
Send a brochure from the agency
No complaints
But my girlfriend dug a ditch in my room
Walking papers and a hole
Straight out from my shoes
No complaints
But it's harder
To believe in the truth
She'll write a message On a billboard and
I'll send it to you
We feel painless
Check the status on the info line
In some ways tainted
Radiation from the factory
No complaints
But it's overrated, that's for sure
Take a bus back
From Little Rock, Arkansas
Or Modesto
That's where my dough comes from here to edit.
We are aimless
And the target is an empty wall
We're out of patience
With smiles that cut across her face
No complaints
But I wish I had more time for my brain
I'd like to walk
When the sun doesn't know we're awake
We're in spaceships
Take a visit to the Pyranees
Paid vacations
Send a brochure from the agency
No complaints
But my girlfriend dug a ditch in my room
Walking papers and a hole
Straight out from my shoes
No complaints
But it's harder
To believe in the truth
She'll write a message On a billboard and
I'll send it to you
We feel painless
Check the status on the info line
In some ways tainted
Radiation from the factory
No complaints
But it's overrated, that's for sure
Take a bus back
From Little Rock, Arkansas
Or Modesto
That's where my dough comes from here to edit.
A bad poem about Complaining
It’s too hot, It’s too cold
If you care, than you’re probably much too old
These are the things that can break the mold
Complaining, a story best untold
But I rather like how these things unfold
I find it helps me display what I've already sold
If you care, than you’re probably much too old
These are the things that can break the mold
Complaining, a story best untold
But I rather like how these things unfold
I find it helps me display what I've already sold
My hero: George Costanzo
Seinfeld, one my favorite shows (surprise, surprise), is constantly finding things to complain about and the man the usually fulfills this task is my hero, George Costanza. George doesn't care to who or what he is whining about, he just does it. I find I relate to George a lot because he does hold back, just like me. I will complain to anyone or even anything (an inanimate object for example) that I feel needs to hear it....even if they don't. In this clip he goes into complain about his car but has to bring up the fact that an employee ate his twix candy bar. If someone ate my Twix candy bar I'd probably do the same thing.
Every Monday Morning
How packed Rowans parking lot is every morning.
“Every time I come here it’s the same damn thing!” I shouted to myself as I pulled up along side Rowan’s main commuter parking lot.
It was packed like a can of sardines, cars parked side by side as far as the eye could see. I had come from 295 North, so to get into the parking lot was quite a hassle. Coming from my way you could not make a left turn into the parking lot. For some reason it’s illegal to make a left turn into the parking lot.
“Great, this again.” I muttered to myself, “When are they going to change that?”
Personally, I had seen no reason for blocking access to the parking lot if you were on the right side of the road; it made no sense. The last couple of times I had come to my Monday morning class I had to drive past the parking lot, turn around in one of Rowan’s driveways, and come in the opposite way. This process always made me late for class, every freaking time. So I decided to forgo the internal puzzle of turning into the parking lot.
“Not today!” I sang, “Today I’m going in ‘lazy American’ style”. I smiled at thought of eluding the long process it takes for me to get into the parking lot as I put on my left hand blinker. As I waited for the cars to pass so I could turn in, I noticed everyone that came out of the parking lot was slowing down and giving me a long cold glare.
"You want something to look at? Look at this!" I shouted in my car, holding up my middle finger.
“There’s no way I’m being late again, not today, screw this parking lot and its inhabitants!” I turned in as sneaky as one could with my black SUV (standing out like a nudist in a suit convention) and looked over my shoulder. To the right the parking lot was packed full, even the teachers’ parking lot couldn’t hold another car. So, as I shifted my vision to my right a vibrating tingle of dread immediately shifted up my spine. A cop was staring directly at me, flailing his arms up in the air like I just kicked a baby or something. The worst part about it was there was no going around him; I’d have to if I were going to park in this lot. As I passed by he rolled down his window and waved me over. As the officer berated me for my driving “insolence” I noticed three or more prime parking spots appear and then subsequently disappear in a matter of seconds. Trying not to be rude I looked at my watch as the officer ranted on, I had five minutes to get to class and this guy isn’t even half way done talking yet.
“I’m so screwed,” I thought.
Rowan parking lots, how can you not complain?
It was packed like a can of sardines, cars parked side by side as far as the eye could see. I had come from 295 North, so to get into the parking lot was quite a hassle. Coming from my way you could not make a left turn into the parking lot. For some reason it’s illegal to make a left turn into the parking lot.
“Great, this again.” I muttered to myself, “When are they going to change that?”
Personally, I had seen no reason for blocking access to the parking lot if you were on the right side of the road; it made no sense. The last couple of times I had come to my Monday morning class I had to drive past the parking lot, turn around in one of Rowan’s driveways, and come in the opposite way. This process always made me late for class, every freaking time. So I decided to forgo the internal puzzle of turning into the parking lot.
“Not today!” I sang, “Today I’m going in ‘lazy American’ style”. I smiled at thought of eluding the long process it takes for me to get into the parking lot as I put on my left hand blinker. As I waited for the cars to pass so I could turn in, I noticed everyone that came out of the parking lot was slowing down and giving me a long cold glare.
"You want something to look at? Look at this!" I shouted in my car, holding up my middle finger.
“There’s no way I’m being late again, not today, screw this parking lot and its inhabitants!” I turned in as sneaky as one could with my black SUV (standing out like a nudist in a suit convention) and looked over my shoulder. To the right the parking lot was packed full, even the teachers’ parking lot couldn’t hold another car. So, as I shifted my vision to my right a vibrating tingle of dread immediately shifted up my spine. A cop was staring directly at me, flailing his arms up in the air like I just kicked a baby or something. The worst part about it was there was no going around him; I’d have to if I were going to park in this lot. As I passed by he rolled down his window and waved me over. As the officer berated me for my driving “insolence” I noticed three or more prime parking spots appear and then subsequently disappear in a matter of seconds. Trying not to be rude I looked at my watch as the officer ranted on, I had five minutes to get to class and this guy isn’t even half way done talking yet.
“I’m so screwed,” I thought.
Rowan parking lots, how can you not complain?
Recipe for a Constant Complainer
- 2/4 Anger
- 1/4 Condescension
- 1/5 Boredom
- 1/4 Purpose
- 2/3 Timing
Repeat until you've found personal satisfaction...or pissed off everyone around you.
The End
(We're only human)
Conclusion:
Life is full of complaints and complainers; it's what we do as humans. Although this twitterive is about my week from hell, not every one of my weeks is this bad. The people I listed as the biggest complainers in my life are also those who are closest to me. Everyone needs a time to vent and I find that maybe you'll find that I do that too much here but it's all in good fun; we're all human.
Odd fact :
Did you know in North Korea if you file a complaint (especially about the government) you have a chance of being imprisoned?
That's nuts
Did you know in North Korea if you file a complaint (especially about the government) you have a chance of being imprisoned?
That's nuts